Choices

If you have ever read a book about grief, it is said that we go through "stages" after we suffer a loss. I believe that to some degree but if you try to follow those stages and get to the last one and think "Okay, it's time to be over it", you are going to be in for a shock.

When Melissa died, no one could convince me that the intense pain I was feeling would ever go away. I regretfully recall a woman at a Share meeting who tried to tell me that in time I would feel better and find joy in life again. I thought to myself as she was talking to me "WELL- you must not love your baby like I love mine!" Thankfully I didn't say that out loud! I was also told by many that time heals all wounds. Time does help ease the pain yet I believe that what you choose to do during that time is what really makes a difference. When I realized that I had two choices is when I began to heal. I could choose to let this make me or break me. I could choose to be destroyed or I could choose to heal and use this experience positively. I could become bitter or better.

You may be asking how on earth can anything positive come from the death of your baby. I believe positive can come from even the worst tragedy IF you allow it to. If I had the choice to go back and change the fact that Melissa died, I would. If I had the choice to never have had her because she died, I would not.

The first time I knew there was a positive reason for Melissa's life and death will forever be with me. About a year after Melissa died I got a phone call early one morning from a friend of mine. She was distraught telling me about a car accident that happened the night before right in front of her home. A young woman who was nine months pregnant and her unborn baby died after she lost control of her car practically in my friend's front yard. It broke my heart and I cried for several days. I did not know this woman who died yet the loss of her young life and the life of her baby broke my heart. I did not know at the time how God was going to intervene in this tragedy.

Weeks later I was at my friend's house and we were just sitting around talking when there was a knock at the door. My friend opened it to find a stranger standing there. The woman introduced herself and said that it was her daughter and unborn grandson that had been killed there. She told us she had driven by several times trying to find the courage to stop. She explained that she needed to come there and see where her daughter had died and ask questions. As my friend talked to her, I felt an immediate connection and the need to help in anyway I could. I asked the woman for her phone number and promised to call her so we could talk.

I called her that afternoon and we talked for a very long time. I told her about Melissa and we shared our pain and grief. She told me that her daughter was her only child and was carrying her first grandchild. She was so grief stricken and my heart broke for her. She asked me if there was any type of support group for her to attend so I started checking around. When I told her I had found one, she asked if I would go with her and her husband at least the first time because she was so nervous. I told her I would be more than happy to go with them and I did. I spent a lot of time with this woman yet I didn't know until months later what a difference I had made. I ran into her while shopping and she hugged me so tightly and told me something that I will never forget. She said that on the day she came to my friend's house where her daughter and grandson had died, she had wanted to actually stand on the spot where they had died and ask my friend if her daughter had said anything, had she suffered.... She then told me that her intention that day was to go there and immediately go home and commit suicide because she could not stand the pain... but instead she met me and that I had made such an impact on her life that she knew she could live through this grief. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought us together!